Secrets to Hold On To
by sangreal7
Summary: JJ has a hard time with all the secrets she's had to keep.  A conversation with Rossi at the end of a long day helps her discover something truly special.  A tag to 'It Takes A Village'.  Minor spoilers.


**A/N: This is not a pairing I've ever written romantically before, but I did enjoy trying it. The story is for Tracia, ilovetvalot - I hope the stories make you smile a little more every day!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of Criminal Minds. I'm just playing a little **

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><p>JJ had known, even before she'd agreed to return, everything would be different. Still, she hadn't been prepared for the fact that the hardest changes weren't those evident in the BAU, or the team, but the ones that arose from inside her.<p>

It had been over a year since she'd been forced to leave them. In that time, the things she'd seen and done had left an indelible mark on her. For the most part, it was a good thing. She was tougher, stronger – physically and emotionally – than she'd ever been before. She was confident in herself and of her abilities. The days when she'd believed she wasn't capable of being a profiler, and was satisfied to be a media liaison, were long gone. The old fears that the others were somehow stronger, more capable … well, those were left in the wake of having to use all her talents and contacts to protect her friend from the attentions of a madman.

She couldn't put into words how great it felt to have Emily back. She'd tried, and she knew Emily had understood what she'd meant to say, but those words hadn't come close to describing the rush of emotion that had welled in her when Hotch had said it was time for Emily to rise from the dead. It had been even more overwhelming today, realizing Emily was coming back to the team as well.

Unfortunately, she'd tried to make herself believe the secrets would end there. That once the team knew about Emily being alive, the massive weight that challenged every bit of strength she possessed, would be lifted.

It hadn't worked out that way.

Instead, Hotch had taken that freedom away from her when he'd chosen to take full responsibility for the decision to keep Emily's survival a secret from the team. JJ hadn't been able to speak up about her own culpability at that point, because Emily had walked into the room, and the chance had been lost. Even now, it still hadn't been said. Oh, it would come out at some point that JJ had known all along, but when it did, it would be a second, separate betrayal everyone, including her, would have to face.

She could deal with the personal fallout, but it would have been easier on everyone else to know up front. The team was already going to be under Senate scrutiny; they had to be able to trust each other. Therefore, the sooner they got it all out in the open, the sooner the hurt could begin to heal. Now, she was left holding on to one more secret and she wished she could unburden herself of it.

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><p>About to push open the glass doors leading into the BAU bullpen, David Rossi caught a slight movement beyond the doors and paused. The blond head that was cupped in one hand, propped on the desk over a mound of case files, displayed a pose which seemed uncharacteristically dejected. They'd all had a long, emotionally draining day, but JJ's body language indicated she was actively bothered by something. Even more telling was the fact she was still in the office long after everyone else had left … even Hotch.<p>

Deciding he didn't want to startle her by his entrance, Rossi deliberately shuffled his foot and bumped his briefcase on the door as he opened it. By the time he looked up again, he was able to school his features into something approaching surprise when JJ turned and noticed him.

"JJ? What are you still doing here?" Rossi walked over to the desk.

"I could ask the same of you." JJ responded with a soft smile, her blue eyes sparkling. "I thought you'd left."

"I did, but" Rossi lifted the briefcase slightly, "I left my notes for the new chapters in my office and I came back to pick them up. I wanted to work on it tonight."

"Making the drive out to Little Creek, then?" JJ asked, her blond hair shining as she pushed it out of her face. "I bet the woods are beautiful right now."

She blinked up at him innocently, but Rossi wasn't fooled in the slightest. Setting the briefcase on the floor, he sat on the corner of the desk. Looking down into her face, he said quietly, "JJ, this is me. I know you're trying to deflect my question because you don't want to talk about it."

Rossi watched as her gaze dipped quickly and then rose to meet his own again, and she folded her arms around her body as if to protect herself. He wasn't prepared to let it go … it wouldn't be the first time he'd faced her down, and it wouldn't be the last. "I thought we were past all that, JJ. Was I wrong?"

This time, when JJ bent her head to avoid his gaze, a soft blush graced her cheeks. Idly, she noted how his well-tailored pants pulled against his thigh where it rested on the desk. She felt the heat in her cheeks and knew her blush had darkened. Making an effort to pull herself together, JJ looked up at Rossi one final time, her expression determined. She relaxed her arms and touched one hand gently to his knee before moving it to rest on the desk.

"No, Dave. You're not wrong. We are past that. I just … things just got to me a little bit today."

"I think all of us had more than one shock in the last few weeks, and today just brought it home for everyone how much we almost lost." Rossi answered calmly.

"That, yes … but …" JJ paused, not sure how to continue.

"Whatever it is, JJ, you know you can tell me." Rossi rested his hand over hers, "I think we've become pretty good friends in the last few months, don't you?"

"Of course we have!" JJ agreed immediately. "Dave, you've been wonderful to me since I've been back … especially when I thought Morgan and Garcie were freezing me out."

"Mmm … is it still bothering you?"

"No, I understand they didn't want to get my hopes up while they were trying to find out where Doyle was hiding, but …"

"But it still hurt." Rossi's tone was matter-of-fact, sure he had the problem identified.

"Yes … and no." JJ was still reluctant to delve into what was really bothering her.

Making a decision, Rossi stood abruptly, picked up his briefcase and held his other hand out to JJ. "Come on."

Surprised, JJ stumbled over her response, "What? Where?"

With a quirk of his lips that was half patient smile, half teasing smirk, he said, "Trust me."

She did, completely, which was why she let him take her hand lead her up the small metal catwalk to his office. As they entered, Rossi flipped the lights on, and dropped his briefcase on the desk. Releasing JJ's hand, he gestured her to the small chair on the far side of his desk.

Following his lead, JJ seated herself in the comfortable chair, while Rossi took his customary place on the edge of his own desk. Crossing her legs, JJ laughed lightly. "Well, I have spent a lot of time talking to you here in the past few months haven't I?"

"I just thought you might be more comfortable here. You don't seem that used to the bullpen yet." Rossi watched her carefully. He noted she still seemed withdrawn and worried. "Relax, Jen. Neutral ground here."

With another light laugh, JJ visibly relaxed. "Thanks Dave. You always seem to know what I need."

It was true. In the past few months, she'd become closer to David Rossi than she had been to anyone else in a very long time. She still counted Penelope Garcia as her best friend, but her year away, Morgan's decision to not include her in what he and Garcia were doing, and of course, her own secrets had conspired to make it a few lonely months since she'd returned. Rossi had noticed, of course, and had got into the habit of inviting her into his office at the end of the day. They talked about everything and nothing, and over time, she'd come to trust him on much more than a professional level. Of course, she'd also come to care deeply for the older man, but that little detail she had carefully kept to herself.

"So talk to me. What's keeping you up at nights? Is it Will?"

"No, not really." JJ answered immediately. "I've come to terms with his decision. I knew it would come to this when I chose to come back to the BAU."

Will's decision to end their relationship was actually one of the first things JJ had ever spoken with Dave about after she came back to the bureau. When she'd told him she was coming back, his first question had been about Will and Henry. She'd told him the truth, accepted his sympathy and was immensely pleased he hadn't insulted her by asking whether she was sure about her choice. It had marked the beginning of their friendship.

"But?" As always, Rossi was patient, waiting for her to come to it on her own.

"Emily asked me about Will today." JJ began softly. "All I said to her was 'long story'. I couldn't even say he was gone."

She paused a moment, a look of introspection on her face. "It's not about him though. It's that I thought once Emily was back, the secrets would be over, you know?"

Leaning forward a little, Rossi raised one dark eyebrow slightly, "You're this upset because you didn't tell Emily the truth about Will, in the middle of everything else going on?"

"No!" The exasperation in JJ's voice was sudden, as she finally allowed the barrier to break, "I'm upset because I feel like all I'm doing is keeping secrets from everyone! The rest of them still don't know about my part in Emily's situation. They don't know Will left. They don't know that you and I are so close."

"But why does it all bother you so, Jen?" Rossi asked gently. He had a pretty good idea, but he needed her to say it for herself.

"Because how are they ever going to trust me to be part of the team when they do find out everything I've lied about?"

"You haven't lied about anything, Jen." Rossi spoke quietly, but firmly. "The time just hasn't been right for you to talk about any of those things yet."

He watched the emotions play across her face and for probably the hundredth time, wished he could simply take her into his arms, and promise to protect her from everything that hurt her. Instead, his words of advice and understanding, his listening ear, would have to be enough.

"Give it time, Jen." He counseled, silently willing her to believe him. "You will have the chance to tell everyone the truth, and ask for forgiveness for what you had to hold back from them. We all have to work on building back our trust in each other … but we have a good foundation to work from."

His dark eyes never leaving her face, Rossi continued, "In the meantime, there's always me."

When she looked confused, he went on to clarify, "I already know all of those secrets you mentioned … and I trust you as much – maybe even more – than I ever did. I know how much you're prepared to risk for someone you care about."

His quiet conviction was beginning to make the heavy ache lift from around her heart, making her believe they would find their way together, as a team. JJ found her throat tight with unshed tears at how this wonderful man could make her feel, with just a few words, everything would be okay. He had the ability to soothe her heart and calm her fears like no one else ever could … and she loved him for it.

With a swift intake of breath, one she knew he didn't miss, JJ accepted another truth. Somewhere in the last few months, she'd fallen in love with David Rossi. Strangely, she wasn't confused or perturbed by this little revelation. Instead, it was though everything suddenly made sense. The secrets she still kept from the team, the fear of how they would handle their new normal, those were not what really bothered her. It was the secret she was still keeping from the one person who knew all the others that truly ate at her. That was what was wrong – he deserved to know.

The silence that lengthened between them was broken when Rossi called her name gently. It broke her trance, and JJ rose from the chair with a soft smile on her lips and her heart reflected in her huge blue eyes.

Stepping close to him, JJ reached out and took one of Dave's hands into her own, getting a little lost in how good their hands looked together.

"You're right, Dave. The right time to tell the truth will always come, and when it does, I'll be ready to say the things I need to … and we will be fine."

"I know we will."

Watching JJ carefully, Rossi felt as though they were on the brink of something momentous, but he had no idea what it could be. Feeling her thumb stroking gently over the back of the hand she held, he resisted the temptation to tug her forward and wrap his arms around her. Instead, he waited, his heart beginning to race when she lifted her eyes to his and there was no mistaking the heat in hers.

"There's still one secret you don't know yet." She said softly, watching his eyes widen in surprise.

"What secret is that?" His voice was a hoarse whisper, as if her were afraid to break the spell between them.

"I love you."

His black eyes blazed with heat and something stronger, something indefinable as he held her gaze with his own.

"Then let me trade you for a secret of my own."

"What secret is that?" JJ echoed his words, her voice soft, but buoyant with hope.

"Only this, love …" Rossi murmured softly as he leaned forward, bringing his free hand up to cup JJ's cheek gently. Urging her forward, he pressed his lips tenderly to hers, swallowing her soft sigh as she melted into his arms and kissed him back.

Secure in his arms, and in his love, this was one secret she was glad they had managed to share.

FIN

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><p><strong>AN 2:**

**~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~**

**Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969**

_It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community!_

_The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)_

_Please read all rules prior to submitting ballots! Please PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards with any questions._

_*******_** SPECIAL NOTE: For whatever reason, disabled the Profiler's Choice Awards PM system. That means all attempts to submit ballots failed from September 11 - 16. Could you all please help spread the word that anyone who tried to submit a ballot during this period listed above should RESEND their submissions. I am very sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. We really need help reaching all the different ships out there though. So, PLEASE, those willing to help, let me know if you can include this as part of your author's notes to readers.*****


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